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When FOMO hits after you've said no

Published 23 days ago • 4 min read

This weekend, I chose to stay home while my husband and a group of our friends headed to Deep Creek Lake in Maryland to raft and hike. All the things I LOVE! And I said, I'm going to sit this one out.

I'd been traveling for almost three weeks straight. No weekend at home and no real downtime. I needed space to be alone and to really recharge.

So when this trip came up, I made the call to stay home.

I built myself a beautiful little weekend. Spa day. Lunch out by myself. Time to read and write. Things that restore me.

I felt really good about my choice. And then my husband sent a photo.

Just a quick "we made it, all is well" kind of text...with a picture of the view from where they were staying.

A house right on the lake. 🥺

And I could see myself there. Reading on the deck. Watching the water. Doing exactly the kind of quiet, restorative thing I was supposedly staying home to do.

And just like that...FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) came running into the room.

You've probably experienced it yourself (I know I'm not the only one right?). I mean, when you make a choice that's different from what everyone else is doing (the one not drinking, not eating the thing, not going on the trip) sometimes that choice comes with a side of FOMO.

It doesn't mean you made the wrong call. It just means there's something happening over there that you would probably enjoy, too.

Two things can be true.

I can wish I were sitting on that deck AND know that staying home was what I needed.

And maybe that’s part of learning how to slow down and rest...figuring out what you actually need, even when something else looks really freakin’ appealing.

The question is what to do with that feeling. And what I did was something I come back to a lot. I call it the past-present-future-me exercise where I have a check-in with all three versions of myself 😬

  • Past me: What do I already know from experience?
  • Present me: What do I need right now?
  • Future me: How do I want to feel on the other side of this choice?

Past me gives me information. Present me makes the choice. And future me reminds me who I’m making that choice for.

Here's how it played out for me:

I actually did this exercise when I first heard about the trip and was deciding whether or not to go. And then when that photo arrived and the FOMO kicked in, I found myself coming back to it.

Past me knows what happens when I travel a lot. I don't sleep well when I'm away. I come home dragging from all the running around and doing all the fun things. My energy is non-existent, my emotions run high, and I am (let's be honest) pretty crabby for a couple of days after.

Present me knew I'd already been traveling for almost three weeks straight and had two more trips coming up in the next two weekends.

And then there was future me.

Which version of me did I want to be on the other side of this choice?

  • Crabby Chris, tired and depleted and dreading the week?
  • Or calm, refreshed Chris...the one who's ready to write and play and create?

I chose the second one.

Now, I won't pretend I didn't have a moment or two throughout the weekend where I thought, ugh, but the lake though.

I did.

But for the most part, I was settled. Coming back to that exercise reminded me why I’d made the choice in the first place.

I still wanted to be at the lake. That didn't mean I should have been at the lake.

Choosing yourself is allowed. Choosing the version of you that shows up well on the other side — even when it means missing something — is allowed.

And the FOMO you feel when you do that? It's not proof that you chose wrong. It's just a feeling.

Your Invitation This Week

When you catch yourself second-guessing a choice you made for yourself, stop and ask:

Which version of me do I want to be on the other side of this choice?

Then let that version of you have a vote.

Sending love and choose you vibes,

Chris

PS: I don't always follow Future Me's advice. Sometimes I eat the donut, stay up late, or do the thing I might regret later. But I do file that information away...possibly for the next meeting of Past, Present, and Future Me.

Oh, and it’s also totally cool to thank yourself for doing something that was a hard choice.

Here’s an example from my life: I have a Big Green Egg grill. It’s a bit of a process to clean it out after it’s cooled down and reset it for the next cook. Not hard. Just a few steps.

And when I really don’t feel like doing it, I think about how Future Me would love to open up the Egg and have it ready to go.

So I do it and say, “Future Me will be so pleased!” And then, later, when I open up the Egg and it’s ready to go, I literally say, “Thanks, Past Me!”

Tiny thing. But it works. And yes, I do this all. the. time. 🤷‍♀️

Sundays Unplugged is your weekly reminder to slow down and create space for you. Remember, while your work, your people, and your life matters… so do you.
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Connection Catalyst

Chris Coladonato

Speaker + Guide | Helping you unplug from the busyness of life—because you matter just as much as everything you're juggling. Sundays Unplugged is your weekly nudge and invitation to slow down, unplug, and make space for you. 🧚🏻‍♀️🪩🌳

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